By Ozzy Osbourne, Chris Ayres
"They've acknowledged a few loopy issues approximately me through the years. I suggest, ok: 'He bit the pinnacle off a bat.' convinced. 'He bit the pinnacle off a dove.' certain. yet then you definitely pay attention such things as, 'Ozzy went to the express final evening, yet he would not practice until eventually he'd killed fifteen pups . . .' Now me, kill fifteen doggies? i like pups. i have eighteen of the f**king issues at domestic. i have killed a number of cows in my time, brain you. And the chickens. I shot the chickens in my residence that evening.
It haunts me, all this loopy stuff. each day of my existence has been an occasion. I took deadly mixtures of booze and medicine for thirty f**king years. I survived an instantaneous hit by way of a aircraft, suicidal overdoses, STDs. i have been accused of tried homicide. Then I nearly died whereas using over a bump on a quad motorbike at f**king miles in line with hour.
People inquire from me how come i am nonetheless alive, and that i have no idea what to assert. whilst i used to be growing to be up, if you would have placed me up opposed to a wall with the opposite little ones from my highway and requested me which one in every of us was once gonna make it to the age of sixty, which considered one of us may prove with 5 little ones and 4 grandkids and homes in Buckinghamshire and Beverly Hills, i would not have positioned cash on me, no f**king approach. yet the following i'm: able to inform my tale, in my very own phrases, for the 1st time.
A lot of it ain't gonna be beautiful. i have performed a few undesirable issues in my time. i have consistently been attracted to the darkish facet, me. yet I ain't the devil. i am simply John Osbourne: a working-class child from Aston, who surrender his task within the manufacturing facility and went trying to find a superb time."
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Additional resources for I Am Ozzy
It ain't the gown, you limey faggot piece o' airborne dirt and dust. That wall you are relieving your self on is the Alamo! ' 'The Aalawot? ' ahead of he may possibly solution, fats Texan coppers got here puffing round the nook, radios crackling. 'That's the one,' stated the previous bloke. 'Him... within the costume. ' BAM! i used to be face down within the dust, being handcuffed. It took a second for all of it to click on. i might certainly heard of the Alamo - i would visible the loo Wayne motion picture once or twice. So I knew it used to be this big-deal position the place plenty of american citizens were killed whereas they have been battling the Mexicans. yet I hadn't made the relationship among the previous wall i used to be pissing on and the ruins of a sacred nationwide monument. 'You're a Brit, ain'tcha? ' one of many police officers acknowledged to me. 'So? ' 'Well, how might you are feeling if I urinated on Buckingham Palace, huh? ' I gave it a few suggestion. Then I acknowledged to him, 'I've no notion. i do not fucking stay there, do I? ' That went down a deal with, that did. Ten mins later, i used to be sharing a prison mobile with a 280 lb Mexican bloke who'd simply murdered his spouse with a brick, or a few loopy shit. He should have notion he was once hallucinating whilst he observed me appear in a eco-friendly frock. i used to be considering, Christ, he will imagine i am the ghost of his missus, after which he will try and supply her one final dick up the arse. yet all he did was once grunt and stare. i used to be within the cage for roughly 3 hours. a number of the law enforcement officials and their pals came visiting to examine me. perhaps a few of them had got snow fall of Ozz , i do not comprehend. yet they gave me an attractive effortless experience. They did me for public intoxication, rather than the extra heavy-duty desecration of a commemorated item, which might have intended a 12 months within the slammer. they usually enable me out in time for the gig. even if the manager got here down for my part to inform me that, once the express used to be over, I needed to go away city and not convey my grotesque mug back. That one piss fee me a fortune in misplaced San Antonio gigs through the years. And rightly so; i guess: pissing at the Alamo wasn't the cleverest factor i would ever performed. It wasn't lots like pissing on Buckingham Palace as pissing on one of many monuments at a Normandy seashore. Unforgivable. many years later, I apologised in individual to the Mayor, promised by no means to do it back, and donated ten grand to the Daughters of the Republic of Texas. He permit me play within the city back after that, even though it took greater than a decade for it to occur. while i eventually went again, I take into account this scrawny Mexican child arising to me after the convey. 'Ozzy, is it real you were given busted for pissing at the Alamo? ' he requested me. 'Yeah,' I advised him. 'It's actual. ' 'Shit, man,' he acknowledged. 'We piss on it each evening on our approach domestic. ' whereas i used to be drowsing We have been within the journey bus, on our means from Tennessee to Florida, while Randy broke the scoop. 'I don't believe i would like to be a rock 'n' curler any more,' he acknowledged. I waited for him to crack a grin. yet he did not. We have been sitting at a bit picnic desk within the kitchen region of the bus, which used to be like a five-star inn on wheels. It had TVs putting from the ceiling, shag-pile carpets, air-conditioning, limo-style home windows, a flash gold and white paint activity, and - in fact - a completely stocked bar.